That was my initial reaction to learning Penelope Cruz is in talks to play Jack Sparrow's foil in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie, On Stranger Tides (As for the awfulness of the pun, so sue me: my college roommates and I have a lot of them, and they're all terrible.). Don't get me wrong. I like Penelope Cruz a lot. I think she's sexy as hell. But I also think she has a tendency to be funniest and loosest in movies where she can speak Spanish rather than English. I think that's partially just because Pedro Almodovar knows how to use her and respects the hell out of her (although she was great in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, too), whereas American directors tend to see her body and her face and forget how to think. But Johnny Depp, even in the stupidest moments of that franchise, was still acting like a force of nature. Keira Knightley and Naomie Harris were never really keeping up, and Orlando Bloom doesn't even count as competition. I think Rob Marshall will have to find an excellent storyline for Cruz and direct her with exceptional intelligence to make it work. But listen to me, discussing the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise like it's an art film or something. What a fool am I.